Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
