she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
