The best revenge is premature balding
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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