i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
