I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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