I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
