4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
