He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
