But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
