Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
