This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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