UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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