carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
