dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
