i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
