I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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