I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize