I accidentally had phone sex last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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