Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
