I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
