He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I didn't notice because vodka
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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