i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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