So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize