There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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