he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
