He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
