What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your penis caused this!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
