drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
