We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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