Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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