I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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