So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize