Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
