where am i from again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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