is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
