I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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