She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
