So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
