I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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