somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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