we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
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