Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
