somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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