Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just googled if crying burns calories
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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