I wanna passion pit in your ass
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
