I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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