So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
