Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't deserve a penis
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're too hungover to prance.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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