I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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