Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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