Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
