So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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