Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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