Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
