just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
