I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
