I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
