so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
