Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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