Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So squirting runs in the family.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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