K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The adults are the big ones right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
