I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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