I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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