I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
