Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
