she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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