I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we have pet lesbian snakes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
