have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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