I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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