I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
