Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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