p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
