no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
