TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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