We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
