What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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