I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
