I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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