Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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