DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
